суббота, 18 октября 2008 г.

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Tonight my kitchen smells of what childhood memories are made of. Thereapos;s a roast in the oven covered with salt, pepper, sage, mint, shallots and garlic, simmering in red wine and its own juices. The roast is about to be joined by traditional English roastie potatoes, all crispy and golden. I have a glass of wine. The Swing Years and Beyond is playing on the radio. And the baby is being smiley and entertained by my activity in her bouncy seat. Itapos;s a good night.

Edit: Except for the fact that baby is very industriously grunting in her corner. Le sigh.

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So, today is Day 1 of fasting... Normally, I�consider fasting a combination of water and tea.� However, this fast could last as long as a week, so Iapos;m making a few exceptions:

1. Low-carb (read: low-calorie) energy drinks (Sugar-free Red Bull, Monsters, etc.)
Yes, theyapos;re carbonated. But they have enough caffeine to boost metabolism, they taste like something, theyapos;re incredibly satisfying.� And if we really want to stretch it, we could say theyapos;ve got crucial vitamins.� I donapos;t really care that theyapos;re actually about the junkiest, worst thing you can put in your body.� In the big picture, itapos;s not going to make a big difference.
2. Coffee
Again, itapos;s not technically calorie-free, but Iapos;m allowing it for the same reasons Iapos;m allowing low-carb Monsters-- itapos;s satisfying, itapos;s food-like (to me), and 5 calories for one cup of black coffee isnapos;t too bad.��I�never add sugar or creamer/ cream/ half and half/ milk, so thatapos;s a non-issue.
3. Sugar-free popsicles
At 15 calories apiece, these are quite the comparative caloric investment.� However, itapos;s virtually the only way to get Actual Solid Food into my system.� One a day can easily be worked off through exercise; and one a day is my limit.
4. Broth
I normally constitute this as "not really fasting food at all".� At the very least, Iapos;d make sure it was fat-free.� But Iapos;ve never fasted over a weekend, and never for more than three days.� Iapos;m mostly including this stipulation because thereapos;s a very good chance that Iapos;ll be in a situation where someone demands that I eat; soup is a good foil.� I can eat the broth, avoid the solid chunks of stuff, and hope for the best.

So, itapos;s a modified liquid fast-- the popsicles would be clear liquid if you were to melt them, anyway.� All of these items have far less than 20 calories apiece, and Iapos;m only allowing myself one serving of either the broth or the popsicle everyday.� The same rule applies to caffeinated coffee or energy drinks-- itapos;s one or the other, and only one serving a day.

Todayapos;s Plan:
1/2 low-carb monster (10 calories)
Water or tea
Soup (minus the solids) (20, tops)

Iapos;m also planning on exercising, which Iapos;ve never done extensively during a fast.� And Iapos;m losing water weight.

All right, itapos;s not a fast.� Itapos;s a caffiene/ Splenda binge on top of a fast, which has got to be killer for your heatlh.

Itapos;s fun, though.� It makes me feel happier than Iapos;ve felt in a long time.

So Iapos;m gonna do it, regardless of the fact that calling it a fast is erroneous indeed.


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Iapos;m feeling pretty good about life right now. Iapos;m relaxing at home, nice and clean after a bath not too long ago. My fingers are still a little sore on my left hand, but its the good soreness that comes from having spent some quality time with a guitar in your lap playing songs. I dug out this book of Hank Williams tunes and went through a lot of my favorites. I also tried one of my originals that I had written January of last year. I think its the last song that Iapos;ve written both music and lyrics to and the last Christian song Iapos;ve written. I play it a lot though, whenever I get around to digging out the guitar its usually the first or the second song I play. I had written it on my twelve string uncapoed, so it had a different sound to it, but I like the variation I just played on my regularly tuned six string. This means itapos;ll be a much easier song to pitch for worship team ... Just a thought. That same wild dream of mine that ended unfulfilled over four years ago and brought a slow death to the musical side of me for a time. Maybe this time will be different. I had forgotten how much I liked to play, how much it helped me. I need to make a point of getting the guitar out more, the pen too. Iapos;ve been writing ideas down like crazy. Its time to turn some of those ideas into lyrics and turn some of the lyrics that have been gathering dust into songs.
This is an interesting start to a journal entry of mine. Iapos;d usually recite events and feelings from the past couple of days, weeks, or months. But my little concert got me in a different mood. Iapos;m going to try and make this fast for several reasons. This different mood might just be good fodder for songwriting and Iapos;ve got work early in the morning. I think part of it is Iapos;m just happy to be home. It was a relief to be done with all those tests, now that Iapos;m back home, I think it added a whole other level of relaxation.
The weekend was pretty lazy for me, I just relaxed and did as little as possible. Saturday night I started coming down with a cold. I treated it pretty aggressively with a lot of vitamins and hot baths. The nice thing about a fixed utility bill is that its the same price no matter how much or little water I use. Other than sleep, a hot bath thatapos;ll steam my lungs, preferably on the border of tolerance as far as temperature goes has always worked the best for easing a cold. I just went through the motions in class, like pretty much everybody else. A major noteworthy event came yesterday though. As part of my geriatrics elective we go to an assisted living facility to work with a patient. I may have mentioned my first visit about a month ago, this time we were going as a part of a whole team including the occupational and physical therapy students. Because ours is an elective, thereapos;s a shortage of pharmacy students to go around among the teams. When they asked for volunteers to take on another patient, I stepped up immediately. That was three weeks ago, yesterday was my first look at the personapos;s profile. In spite of that handicap, I think I was able to ask some meaningful questions and find a few details that leapt out in my mind. It was also nice to go along with the OT and PT people and see what they do. Truth be told Iapos;ve always thrived in this kind of environment. Practical application of things is where I really shine. Not to discount my academic skills, but I think Iapos;ve repeatedly mentioned that sitting in a class listening to lectures is not the most effective method of learning for me and that I do better in getting my hands dirty actually applying what Iapos;ve learned. One need only look at my grades in the School of Mines days to see the truth. Most often, my ChemE course grades were Bs, not bad, but not up to my capabilities. In contrast, for the most part, my laboratory grades were solid As. Doing it, rather than learning it, is what I live for. I do think all the information Iapos;ve gathered in the courses is taking the metamorphasis that I noticed this last summer to a new level. I had mentioned that I was more confident in what I did and had a better understanding of everything. What I did yesterday actually felt like I was a practicing pharmacist, my first step into the new world that will be my career for a really long time. It felt good, I think I walked away from the facility with a little bit more of a spring in my step.
Well, I suppose I better hit the sack. Its an early start tomorrow, but maybe itapos;ll be a chance to continue what got started yesterday. Its good to feel hopeful about the future, for a long time my opinion has been ambivalent at best. I like this and I hope it lasts for at least a little while.
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Too many things to buy, too stuck on budget

Shin Hyesungapos;s concert is tonight.. My two friends, Len and�Nui will be watching.. So blessed� I�wld have loved to join them but I cant.� Obviously, Ive no budget and no leave allocation anymore.. Yah, it would been nice to hear Sungie sing his songs on his new album LIVE.. See him dance to Urban Fever, tap dance to Peter Panapos;s Serenade.. Someday, I pray that i will have the chance to watch his solo concert LIVE.. Am aiming for his encore concert... I really wish.. I really want to take part in it so much, at least once in my life

Then again have to save for Shinhwaapos;s REUNION�concert which I�shld NOT�miss at all

Another one I shld be including in my budget is the 10th Anniv DVD.. Ive got an LQ file of the whole concert and BTS on my HD but I only cld watch bits and parts because it brings me to tears.. Reminscing the concert which I�experienced in March, I still clearly remember the feeling of happiness and sadness at the same time.. Though I wasnt able to see as much of Sungie as I wanted and expected, I�still feel blessed to have had the chance to watch SHINHWA�LIVE and wld love to do it again�

Still abt this DVD, its a MUST-buy.. So many RicSung and Sungie moments that are fun to watch.. Watching it will make one love these boys more..




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пятница, 17 октября 2008 г.

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Kam has gone to work, Jess is at school and Blake is at nursery. For the next two hours thereapos;s going to be no television, no mindless chit chat, no shouting... Just two hours of wonderful peace and quiet with me enjoying a nice warm bed and all the blankets. It really doesnapos;t take a lot to make me happy. *grin*

Like a good many other people with ME/CFS I am sensitive to a great many food stuffs, medication, light, sound, tastes and smell. The tireder I get, the worse it gets.

Itapos;s great to have two hours a morning where I can keep the curtains closed, not have the television or radio on and not have teenager quantities of perfume wafting about. It gives me time to prepare for the rest of the day where everything is going to be that bit too much. Sensory overload really isnapos;t a lot of fun

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For some reason, I am having a bad OCD day today - I donapos;t know why and I havenapos;t had one for so long that it feels weird and wrong and discomforting and horrible.

It started because I couldnapos;t remember when I opened the milk in my fridge - and so I donapos;t know how old it is. And I used it in the muffins I baked last night. So have been fixated on that all morning. And then someone at morning tea said sheapos;d been sick but was better now and was hungry so ... Am now fixating on that.

I guess what I should be doing is figuring out why I am defaulting to the OCD - I am probably tired and stressed and anxious ... And yes, overcommitted. Blah blah blah. This weekend is my last big one I think, as far as I know, till the end of the year and that puts me at the end of this enormous Sept/Oct month. I am sure things will calm down after that.

Well at least pretend to take me seriously?

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Just checking up on you, to see what youapos;re up to.
I never thought Iapos;d be this alone without you.
and although I came to understand
the apittude of my attitude
set the standards high butI always just fall short
Iapos;m slowly learning.
to give up on me.

Bad ideas flourish my head.
"Iapos;ve got troubled thoughts and the confindence to match, what a catch"


Itapos;s true.
I canapos;t stop feeling sorry for myself.
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  • Yesterday was my dadapos;s birthday.
  • Today is Hannahapos;s birthday.
  • Tomorrow is Walk Like�Trent Day.
  • My pillow is staying in Lincoln on Saturday and thus will not be on the bus. �This deeply saddens me.� Must find out if heapos;s coming with us for dinner.
  • I took the�PSAT yesterday.
  • Iapos;m writing (should be writing) an entertainment speech about people dressed as inanimate objects.
  • Chicken Sandwichapos;s birthday party is tomorrow night� Maybe we wonapos;t get thrown out this time.


-sigh-� Ten to fifteen days...� ):

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